JYG

Saturday, July 02, 2005

The Night Before

The last night. The night before one of us is about to step across to the other side. Probably the bravest of us. He is the man.

May everything hold together tomorrow and run beautifully. Who knows, we might catch him crying.

Okay, gotta get some sleep. Well... maybe a lil Wimbledon before that.

The ones left behind,

J & G

Posted at 01:30 am by jyg2
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Thursday, June 23, 2005

The Way of Language

I was woken up by a phone call. It's the Kam. Good to hear you voice. Finally you got your butt back here. We hope it's a permanent move.

Aaahh... after my usual cuppa, I went to complete two tasks. Dumping my clothes into the washer and clean the frickin' car. Yesh... there is nothing like doing chores while soaking under the sun. Now I don't feel like a couch potato. You feel more productive holding a sponge for once, rather than a remote control.

Heard an interesting lecture online entitled Gender, Participation and Silence in the Language Classroom: Sh-Shushing the Girls by Allyson Jule. Very intriging. No, she don't hate men. Her research is rooted in the intersection between feminist scholarship and Christianity. The connection between social science and theology. She is not a feminist in a sense to gain power or position, rather as a linguist studying the impact of social settings on the role of gender, specifically on how men and women differ in their speech and the kinds of words they use. Sex and gender, she says, is defined separately. Sex is more of a physiological description. Gender is something that you wear. A mask that you put on.

The universal claims from this linguistic field of study is this: Those born female tend to speak using certain strategies largely for the purposes of rapport while those born male tend to use certain speech strategies largely for the purposes of report. Men speak in ways that are esteemed in any culture, and women's way of speaking connect them to the secondary position. Both sexes, male and female collude in securing these positions.

There are some features in women's way of speaking suggested by Robin Lakoff, Language and Woman's Place. See if you agree with them. Some are hilariously true, in my opinion.

Women use back channel supports in conversation and show eagerness to respond.
Women have more words that relate to their world, like sewing.
Women use empty adjectives like "really" and "very".
Women use rising intonation in declarative statements.
Women use more hedges, like kind of, maybe, i guess.
Women use the intensifer "So" more in conversation and they speak in italics.
Women use hyper-correct grammer and pronunciation; they articulate more clearly.
Women use super-polite forms and are the repositories of tact.
Women do not tell jokes, nor do they understand them.
Women use direct quotes when describing speech of other people. ie she said "Yes, he can come." instead of she said that he can come.
Women use more tag questions. eg You love me.... don't you?

Her conclusion lies somewhere to the notion that women lack confidence and this is presented in their weak style of speech and that they have learned their helplessness by such speech strategies. Many scholars criticised her research for being largely intuitive, that is she had no data, which I think it's quite funny.

Today, most scholars would agree that the way women speak, that is, using powerless words, is due to social construction. It's not an innate feature found in a DNA of being a woman but is formed by certain circumstances and settings.

Perhaps the one thing from women's speech pattern that often left me befuddled is the strategy of silence. In a positive sense, it leaves space for listening and that's probably why they empathise better with people. On the other hand, we men are largely bewildered due to our limited perception and ignorance especially when posing to our mates the question, "What's wrong?". To which they often reply "Nothing." And leaves it at that. And as sophia posted, "Nothing" usually means there's something. That's when we men should start getting worried.

Now that I know a bit more about feminist linguistic, I can learn to appreciate women better not for their limitations due to cultural constructs but for who they are, in the eyes of the Creator. And may I use language not to tear down, but to build up; to encourage and not to demean.

G

The limits of one's language is the limit's of one's world.

Posted at 04:24 pm by jyg2
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Operation Silk Cloth and a Bunch of Tests

It doesn't get better than this. Full-on bumming.

I got more books from Borders... those that I've been trying to find for some time. Most notable one of all is Chesterton's Orthodoxy. While shopping in the same mall, I got something for my pod.

The sound quality in my opinion is OKAY lar. Maybe I just haven't tune it to the right frequency yet. Still can't beat plugging it into a cassette player. Any advice on how to make the sound better?

As best man of Y, (well one of them) I remembered I was given a task of monumental weight. In fact, failure to accomplish it would lead to unimaginable disasters on the wedding day. The pressure is on. Everything else would depend on this. There can be no room for error. I must be determined and focused.

OBJECTIVE : PURCHASE TIES FOR THE GUYS.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. As you can see, it's no walk in the park. I must battle neurosis from scanning the myriads of colours and patterns crafted in fine Italian silk, all juxtapostioned to create quite a shopping dilemma. Stripes, checkered, plain, squared patterns, round patterns - you name it, they got it. Problem is: I got to get something close to a lavenderish tone. And not just one but four of them. That's hard. And it doesn't help that most of them are simply an eyesore. But I must persevere, for the physical image of my fellow best men depends on it.

Well, I gave up.

I'm usually adept in my shopping skills and fashion sense but shopping ties for people is definitely not my forte. Make that two separate tasks: Shopping for ties AND shopping for people. Perhaps the development of that skill comes from when one day I may have to wear one everyday to work. Of course, that issue cease to exist if I become a fitness trainer. So gals, learn how to shop ties for guys. You will be very much appreciated. And don't say it's hard to shop for guys. Cute cuddly stuff is cool once in a while but we are perfectly alright with stuff we can USE. Now back to the ties. By this time, I'm also wondering why Y's emphasis on the ties. I mean, jon is probably going to wear his "well-worn" jacket.. i mean suit... which I think deserves greater attention. All in all in my opinion, as long as the bride looks beautiful on that day, that's all that matters.

Having said all that bullshit.... guys, let's just get em together on sunday.

Now that I've failed my mission not-really-impossible... I'm quite bored. So bored that I started doing BBC's psychological and senses test. Quite fun actually. You can skip the personality test if you're absolutely bored of such things. But if you got nothing to do like me, why not?

But be sure to try the Disgust Test (jon should ace this), the sense challenge and the sex of your brain test.

A few finds about myself: (thanks to BBC)

I'm neutral - my brain sex is between that of male and female. Probably because I'm a bit better with words and is said to be quite sensitive to what people are thinking and feeling,
I'm left-brain dominant. Meaning I'm more verbal and analytical as compared to right-brainers.
I'm quite a pro in reading people's eyes, tying it with their moods.
I sucked in spotting people's fake smile.
Guys' ring finger (fourth one) generally tend to be longer than the index because of testosterone they receive in their mother's womb. If yours is shorter... well you get the picture.
I prefer more feminine physical features for women rather than masculine.
I'm a Resolver, meaning I'm an introvert who solves problems logically. Huh, sure or not?

Have fun. Now if you don't mind me, I must finish my Magnolia, Hotel Rwanda, Amistad and 24 Season 3 dvds by end of this week. By the way, go Pistons!

Posted at 12:41 am by jyg2
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Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. Really.

Michael Green: My wife is an alcoholic. Best person I ever met. She has 600 different smiles. They can light up your life. They can make you laugh out loud, just like that. They can even make you cry, just like that. That's just with her smiles. You'd have to see her with her kids. You'd have to see how they look at her when she's not looking. To think of all the things she lives through, and I couldn't help her.
Alice Green: Maybe helping wasn't your job.
Michael Green: Well, it wasn't. See, I love her. And I tried everything, except really listening, really listening, and that's how I left her alone. I was so ashamed of that, and I couldn't even tell her. Maybe if I tell her, she'd love me.
Alice Green: Or more. She would have loved you even more. I think you should tell all this stuff to your wife.

- When a Man Loves a Woman (1994).

It's official. I am a couch-romantic.

I really can't help it. I wish I wouldn’t tear up when I hear sappy lines from sappy movies like the above, but I did. What's coming over me? First Sepet, now this. Gosh.

But I have to admit, I loved watching When a Man Loves a Woman on Star Movies. If you try really hard to remember (and if you do, you are either part of the "Mushy Movies Members Club" or a freakish movie buff), Meg Ryan was this alcoholic-cum-wife, while Andy Garcia was the lovey-dovey husband who tried to help. And if you read the line above, by his standards, he failed. Factor in two kids, their jobs, pride, ego and stress, and you have yourself your typical hardships-in-relationships chick flick.

Nothing revolutionary. But I just absolutely adore the film.

For one thing, there are just these gem quotes that made me think that, behind all the gloss of romance, the effort needed to make a relationship work is monumental. Like when Alice looks at Mike, all exasperated after her darling husband tried again to offer help, and whispers: " I think I could love you again if you could, for once, say 'I don't know.'". Or when they get into this heated argument, and Alice just shouts: "Fuck that! Fuck making it better. It's not getting better! I don't know how to make it better and I swear to God you don't either!" Or this moment with Alice and her rehabilitator, who shares about her own recovery from alcohol, and her struggles with her own husband.

Alice: So, everything turned out ok, right?
Nurse: Not really...I divorced him the next year (Both start laughing).

So real. Oh so painfully real.

It made me think about my previous relationships, especially the most recent one. I guess I was just like Mike - thinking that my role was to always try and fix things in her life, to be the always-dependable, 'you can count on me'-kinda guy. Given the hell she went through in life, I thought that was what she needed. And when it turned out I wasn't that kind of guy, I couldn't take it, and scrammed.

Silly me. If only I listened to her, and embraced Grace. If only I learnt to walk through doubt, and understand it's always going to be there. But then, as people like to say, the past is forgotten. The hard part is believing in a second chance. And a third. And a millionth.

"It's horrifying how much you can hate yourself for being low and weak and he couldn't save me from that. So I turned it on him; I tried to empty it onto him. But there was always more, you know. When he tried to help I told him that he made me feel small and worthless. But nobody makes us feel that, we do that for ourselves. I shut him out because I knew if he ever really saw who I was inside, that he wouldn't love me. And we're separated now, he's moved away, and it was so hard not to beg him to stay. And I don't know if I'm going to get a second chance but I have to believe. That I deserve one. Because we all do." - Alice.

Man, this is just too much. Is there a cure for this? I need to follow Y's lead - give me that DVD of XXX2. I need to see a freaking building blown to smithereens.

Posted at 02:28 am by jyg2
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