JYG

Wax on. wax off.

It's offseason time. Training period. To start it off, I had the honorable task of washing four cars yesterday. Under the orders of dad. Well, not that I had much to do anyway so I was not really complaining. Apart from finishing my Smallville Season 3 as well as a couple of dvds. Later, I realised how unfit I am after months of putting my running sneakers aside. Doing 5km in a modest 30 minutes suddenly takes it toil on you. But I gotta start somewhere.

I'm going to be 25 later this year. My body signals to me that I'm not what I once was. What was so easy to achieve last time requires a significantly greater amount of training and preparation to sustain results. Not only that but higher levels of self-control and discipline as well. Our journey to maturation is perilous should we choose to ignore these alarm bells. I simply cannot go into a marathan with naivety that it is something I can just jump in and breeze through. The same goes for life. That I discovered through my experience of pain in my quads and hamstrings right now.

I turned on the style as I took my physical training to the highest floor in Paragon! I enjoyed a panoramic view of Orchard Road between my pull-ups. It was a day of recollection and reconciliation for me as I met up with four different people - church-visiting with my pal felix from uni (i slept through the sermon titled "How to affairproof your marriage"), an old friend from sydney whom I lost contact for a while and celebrated the birthday of my secondary school mate with liquor and shots. Indeed, an extraordinary time for me as space was made to reconnect with the unique moments shared a while ago and using these common grounds to shoot us into a future where we can hope for more glorious experiences. Filled with faith, hope and love.

Ahh... there is nothing like exploring the depths of a person's heart in conversations. I just try to open and authentic as I listened to their stories. Stories like dedicating a semester to serve God and church by investing a day a week in ministry, the opportunity to mentor 8 people! (my jaws dropped hearing that commitment), plans to work for Google, frustration at playing the love game in the initial stages (I offered some advice there. Apparently it proved comforting) and just the plain mundaneness of turning up for work everyday. Indeed, we are individuals created differently and wonderfully.

I feel again the pull to discipline myself in a moment of my life where it is so easy to be rest on my laurels and be complacent. Most notable the commitment to spiritual formation. Words from two great spiritual sages of our time continue to ring in my mind:

Spiritual formation for the Christian basically refers to the Spirit-driven process of forming the inner world of the human self in such a way that it becomes like the inner being of Christ himself."

                                                                                                   Dallas Willard

God the Holy Spirit conceiving and forming the life of Christ … our spirits formed by Spirit." … living out of a center from within, not from outside. Spiritual formation is about holiness, living a holy life."

                                                                                                Eugene Peterson

It is much easier to exhibit noble qualities (or so it seems) on the outside. But for most of us, we find as time goes on, that those coverings tend to fade and what is within begin to manifest itself. So as much as I love to admire my pecs and biceps and all, there are shouts from the inside for a renovation. The dusty room needs a refurbishment. I need salvation.

   Stay clear of silly stories that get dressed up as religion. Exercise daily in God--no spiritual flabbiness, please! Workouts in the gymnasium are useful, but a disciplined life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever. You can count on this. Take it to heart.

1 Tim 4:7-9

Wax on. Wax off. Wax on. Wax off...

G

Posted at 01:11 am by jyg2
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One of my dear friend wrote a blog post that speaks deeply into our hearts.

Bonhoeffer reinforces those thoughts for me:

There is probably no Christian to whom God has not given the uplifting experience of genuine Christian community at least once in his life. But in this world such experiences can be no more than a gracious extra beyond the daily bread of Christian community life. We have no claim upon such experiences, and we do not live with other Christians for the sake of acquiring them. It is not the experience of Christian brotherhood, but solid and certain faith in brotherhood that holds us together. That God has acted and wants to act upon us all, this we see in faith as God's greatest gift, this makes us glad and happy, but it also makes us ready to forego all such experiences when God at times does not grant them. We are bound together by faith, not by experience.

The memories of community life in ACCF, Melbourne will remain in our hearts. But I believe it is fitting, just as they have recently changed their name to Life Expedition, we too can look forward to our own expedition, bounded together by faith and not by experiences of the past. Though it always seem so tempting to do so. The recollection of our shared moments, the nostalgia remembering times of togetherness; all those could easily feed our distorted human desires to re-create a grace, by the way of the flesh. We long for "immediate" relationship with others, without realising that we could imprison our brethen by regulating, coercing and dominating him with our love. Christ stands between us all and have acted decisively for our freedom to be His. May we love freely seeing each one bearing His image and not in an attempt to fulfill our appetites.

I will store those memories into an archive in my heart and continue this journey knowing that only by the grace of my Master that lives are brought together.

G

Posted at 10:48 am by jyg2
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I'm done.

It could be more of a sigh of relief than joyous celebration. With all these mixed feelings, I somehow could fathom how I would feel, knowing that I've finally graduated. I was just sitting there, with palms covering my face, groaning and weeping. The floodgates of emotions crashed open from years and years of frustration and anxiety.

You think I might sound a lil too melodramatic here.

But there are a few things you need to know about me. For one, I didn't know what I wanted to do in life. Everything was planned out for by my father. The move to a boarding school in singapore, studying in ACS(I), going to Melbourne and finally perhaps pursue a career in civil engineering. That path was going pretty smoothly until I went to Melbourne and I found out that this engineering course was like a thorn in my flesh. I hated everything about it... well almost. It didn't help that I have a huge ego coupled with my dad's expectations ringing in my head - you can do it as long you try hard enough. So I grinded it through with little success. I flunked most of my papers and was reaching the point where my will was shattered.

What added to the misery was that I thought God is with me and He would help me through this. I can make it with His wisdom and might. Nothing is impossible. My hopes were surging with youthful idealism. Some of you might know what I'm talking about. This period of your Christian life where everything had a silver lining and you feel like you could conquer the world. For Him, of course. Or so it seems in my naviety. Nothing, absolutely nothing including the exams could hinder my journey to the promised land. He will honor my faith.

Well, I didn't get the results I wanted. My relationships in church were fantastic. But I watched how the connection with my family deteriorated with my failure to perform in uni. The worst scenario had presented itself. I gotta go back to Malaysia. Leaving behind the memories of blessed Down under. Arguably the worst period of my life.

God, I found, is not some puppet which you could simply ask to perform magic tricks for you. It is just when you think things could not possibly get worse, it does. And for some strange reason, He allows it. I was never sure I could handle it. (1 Cor 10:13) Images of suicide, giving it all up and checking out came to my mind once in a while. You could give me the best of "God will bless those who trust in Him" series and I would not have listened to you. The truth is, this is my wrestling match with Him. (Genesis 32:25) I need to know deep within myself, that I could not overpower Him and make Him do as I please. I've understood that as children of our Master, we all must learn to walk with a limp. God is after all, God. Unwavering in His promises, mysterious in His ways and unchanging in His character. When we worship, we don't just call for His hand. Worship is when we stand in awe of His majesty and glory. And by His grace, we would become who we worship. T

Through this journey, I've lost a hip and must tread forward now with a reminder that I'm not in control. Mystery has caught hold of me and showed me a cliff which I must, even with closed eyes, jump over into the place of finding Him. Indeed, it is perilous so much so you think He is playing a dangerous game with our souls. But it is a road we must tread with courage.

After making it through this hump, something kept ringing echoes in my head.

His strength made perfect in my weakness.

That's the one thing I can boast. One of me friends asked me how would I feel if I failed and would not have made it this time?

The answer?

Well, I guess we would never know.

G

Posted at 02:02 pm by jyg2
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Posted at 08:50 pm by jyg2
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