I got myself a New Year present. A must have for any serious runner or in my case, a fitness instructor. It's a Nike Triax C6 watch. But it isn't just any other watch. It's a heart rate monitor and if you have any clue about how one functions, it's a pretty useful piece of equipment.

Heart rate monitors usually comes with a strap to be worn around the breastline area of your body, measuring the number of beats your heart makes in a minute (BPM) and sends the information in real-time to be displayed from your watch.

Most of you would probably ask "Why the hell do I need to know that for?" In our fitness-deficient culture, it's not that uncommon for people to assume that to be fit and healthy, we need to clock a certain amount of cardio workout a week. And yet what we don't realise is that during those workouts, there are chances where we are not performing at an optimal level. We could be underperforming at certain times or could have pushed ourselves too hard at other occasions. The knowledge of BPM in real-time, measured by a heart rate monitor eliminates those possibilities.

It's just not enough to know that all we need to do is to get through a 30 mins run around Bukit Kiara. What we need to know is that during those 30 mins, whether our heart is working consistently at a cardiovascular level, that is 60-80% of its limit. And you won't really know that based on what you feel that day. You could be running for years every week and still could not be achieving the level of fitness that you desire.

I tested the device for a 5K run and it was incredible. It even charts a graph showing where I've peaked and calculates the amount of calories burned. It made me realise that I haven't been pushing hard enough on the downslope and hence by making the necessary adjustments in my run, I managed to clock a faster time. I was elated. The fact that you can know how your heart is performing at every moment increases your chance of success.

How true that can be when applied to the journey of our lives.

New Year has always been a day of possibilities. What can I do to improve? How can I leave those bad habits behind once and for all? What opportunities awaits me or what are the fears that hold me back? While most enter the new year in the company of people, I have always prefered spending the last few moments alone. Pondering and reflecting with a glass of red, allowing the past and the future pour meaning into the now.

How is my heart doing?

No luxury of technology to measure that. Just a silent prayer. Comtemplative. With a tinge of quiet agony. A cry that threatens to escape through my mouth and yet somehow could not. 2005 was a year where my relationship with God has come under a microscope and being tested to the point where it breaks. God seemingly pushed me away in His wrath, only to embrace me again through the gift of Grace.

I've always wanted control. I've struggled to let go and have allowed my best intentions, tainted by money, sex and power to rule the course of my life. All we ever think is as long we put it in certain amount of effort into piety or our religious acts, we would be fine. We just need to do more to guarantee our spiritual success. Even when I haven't really articulate those intentions, my sub-conscious have lead me into that path. And the weight sometimes is too much to handle.

Man's real power lies hidden in the agony which makes him cry out fo God: and there he is at the same time helpless and omnipotent. He is utterly helpless in himself, and yet he can "do all things in the Invisible who strengthens him."

                                                                                       -Thomas Merton

I'm starting to learn the art of crying to Someone. Most of the time situations force me too and at other times, by my own choice. The paradox of being helpless and yet omnipotent at the same time. For once no longer can I claim to have all the answers or have the maps charted out either for myself or for other seekers. I live one day at a time, learning to remain within my own agonia, identifying with the agony of of the One who emptied Himself and become obedient unto death. It is a dangerous place, after all, I descend into death. But it is also the safest of places - I lose myself in Christ and find myself in Him.

We can't just settle for our religious goals or resolutions to take us to the Mount Olympus of spirituality. Paganistic pursuits have no place in the life of a Christ follower. The key is to know our hearts in the community of friends with every given moment.

Learn to cry out with me this year. And may we find the freedom in being utterly helpless.

 

G

 

It's funny.  When nothing happens, absolutely nothing happens.  Then all of a sudden, everything happens all at once, one after another.

That's true with my job situation.  For most of November, I've been exploring what kind of freelance opportunities there are.  And boy, when it's dry, it's a desert.  But when it rains, it's a monsoon.  So it is with my jobs.  Nothing huge.  But mighty interesting.

One: translate old orang asli folklore into a book.  A Datuk in KL apparently has hundreds of short stories told from one generation of orang aslis to another.  A publishing house is interested in publishing these stories into a coffee-table book, but needs someone to help write it.  So, enter me.  Potential pros - the prospect of hearing more about the history of a group of people I've had an affinity with all of my life (since I was brought up in Sabah), plus maybe having my name on the cover.  That would be an incredible rush.  But potential cons - no word yet on how much I get paid, along with an uncertain time limit. 

Two: working part-time with THINK.  They need help with editorial issues- story ideas, brainstorming, stuff like that.  Stuff I love.  So I come in three times a week, and any other stuff they want me to do.  Pros - getting my hands dirty and playing a part in pioneering something radical and original for the youth in my country.  Cons - lousy pay. 

Three: become a contributing writer for Chrome mag.  This is probably the most interesting.  It's a new guy's mag, and my first assignment is to find a 'player', a guy who's so incredibly charming with the ladies, and regularly picks them up.  I submit myself to his 'training', use it, see if it works, then write about it.  Pros - uh, meeting girls.  Cons - getting turned down by them.  Well, if the player proves to be a bad teacher.  No one has come forward though, 'cos most believe people like Hitch don't exist anymore.  If you think otherwise, email me at sochews@gmail.com.

Four: finally, I got reinstated by Astro last week, and went on air again.  Feedback was that I was many times better, more relaxed, more spontaneous.  And the Channel didn't complain about my hair.  I'm on this Sunday for their Christmas special, so looks like things are improving in that end.  Pros - I'm on my way to hosting the World Cup! (*fingers crossed*).  Cons - really unreasonable demands.  The latest - the Channel wants me to wax my eyebrows.  My EYEBROWS.  God, they probably want me to shave my pubic area next time out.

My life in a nutshell.  Of course, it can still be dull at times.  But the year has been such a roller-coaster.  And I can't wait for next year.

j 

I saw it. I fell in LOVE with it. I wanted to buy it.



But my wife threatened to buy a RM500 Pedder Red bag if i do so.

Damn! What should i do?