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Wednesday, November 30, 2005
10am. My handphone beeps. SMS. Groggy, I read it.
Now, everything is clear, even without my glasses. Hehe..is that really you? ;) - Karen Kow.
What? Had I missed something? Scratching my head, I slowly crawl out of bed. Weird girl, wonder what she's talking about.
An hour later, while I was reading the newspaper, another SMS came in.
Dude, you are on page 16 of the Star. So are you the girl in the picture? Haha.
It was Kenneth. I was starting to think this was some dream, the one where everyone knew the joke except me. Only I became the joke in the end. Man, two SMS-es from people I haven't heard from in ages. Better take a look at the papers again.
I turn to page 16.
What girl? Is everyone smoking too much of that liquid tobacco-shit at Warong Don? I looked harder. Then, I noticed the ad at the bottom left.
Omigod!
Suddenly, everything made sense in this crazy world.
For the record, I don't endorse Vista. I've never spoken to them. Without my glasses, I still can't walk 50m without banging into a lamp post.
But it was still way funny to see my name in the ad. Me and Kenneth ended up debating who was 'Jon Chew' in the picture - the girl or the dog. I would have liked to imagine I was the one on top of the girl, some Vista spy took a photo through the window, super-imposed the mutt instead of me, and used it for their ad.
Right. Now that would be a dream.
Made my day, though. j
Posted at 12:40 am by jyg2
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Tuesday, November 29, 2005
I feel like shit.
I feel like shit because I treat my parents like shit.
Especially Mom. But I never mean to. Whenever I am around her, I know she tries to converse. But while my heart screams for a meaningful conversation, like a well-oiled machine, I tune her out. One-word answers come out, and she begins to base her questions on her worries.
So when are you gonna get a job? Has Astro called yet? Serve in church?
She means well, really. But being a pastor, it should be pretty hard dealing with the questions of others. Someone asks, "So, what's your son doing now?" I guess my parents can't bring themselves to say I am actually searching, wondering, clueless, gainfully unemployed. So they tell people, "He's working in Astro." Even though I am not, at least not full-time. Sounds better than the real thing.
I am not sure why I treat Mom with disdain even though I do love her. I can tell when she can't reach me - after five minutes, she'll turn to Dad, and start talking about the churchthis, the churchthat. It's easier to talk about the church than to talk to their son. Even if talking about the church doesn't mean they are talking to their son.
Mom and I have our moments where we do put aside our pretending and talk openly. Hasn't happened lately, though. I miss those times.
I wish we could drop this charade of being nice and inoffensive. We need to shout at each other, argue, break the shackles of indifference, parent to child, pastor to pastor's kid, being to being.
Then at least I can let out the rushing rivers within.
What a beautiful letdown I must be.
j
Posted at 01:44 am by jyg2
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Monday, November 21, 2005
Ahhh yes. I'm back. And a year older. Turning 25 is no fun at all considering the emergence of the so-called "quarter-life crisis" phenomenon. But spending it with my gal, friends and an....well.... animal provides immediate relief to say the least. It's only in the company of fellowshipping pilgrims that the ponderings over my life so far makes any sense. Without them, the moment called the Present speedily reduces into a vacuum. Devoid of meaning and richness.
Well here are those moments. Now being written on the scrapbook of my mind titled "The Past" which spurs my heart to carry Hope on the runaway train into the future. Picture stories.
First stop. Energy Spa.
The ecstacy after a hour's worth of relaxing (and painful!) aromatic oil massage. Thanks baby.
Chaiyen and I went to 1-Utama and were pleasantly surprised to find British India having a sale. And of course, most people would know that you only buy stuff from there when that happens. She got me a set of outfits for my yoga classes. Think soft cotton material. I can practically sleep in those while doing my "happy baby" pose.
Lunch and church service followed. The next thing I was about to embark would score high on the sick and perverse scale. Not to mention creative. Who else other than the demented minds of my fellow miscreant J and Y could think of such lewd acts? Four dares ala One Tree Hill to be completed before I can proceed to my dinner venue with my so-called buddies. Poor me. And off I went flanked by both chaiyen and chris. (jon's bro) I couldn't have done it without them, quite literally cos chaiyen was involved in the dares and chris had to provide media assistance.
Here we go.
Dare No. 1: Find a shop that sells lingerie. Take a photo with a salesgirl wearing one.
I went to Xixili first and asked very nicely,"Excuse me. This is gonna sound weird but it's my birthday and my friends dared me to take a photo of me wearing this bra standing next to you." Her face told it all. She immediately signalled for a 40ish looking manager who appeared very puzzled indeed. I raised my petition again with fear and trembling. She didn't look like one who would approve of such provocations. I was right. She frowned and said,"I'm sorry. We can't. It's... it's not right." Yes, I'm a sick boi.
We immediately proceeded to the nearest shop called La Senza. I was feeling demoralised already but Chris impelled me to ask for the biggest bra. The salesgirl rather professionally went on to find one, which was 34D. Not available so she found the next biggest one. With hesitation I asked her the same question as described before. And ONCE AGAIN, she had to enquire her boss. Her boss paused for a moment and agreed. Yay! Jubilation. I felt saved. We took it in a flash and she even wished me "Happy Birthday!"
Coolness.
Dare No.2 : Find a furniture store and take a shot of yourself having an orgasm on their bed.
This was the easiest. I must admit. Not the pose but finding the props.
Dare No. 3: Find a photo booth and take a photo of you and chaiyen topless. (the actual shot will not be displayed for obvious reasons)
Idiot yuchun. He says it can be done. Anyway we did it (rather creatively) and got ripped off 8 bucks to produce some soft pornography.
AND THE LAST DARE WAS......
Dare No. 4: Go topless to TGIF. (chaiyen excluded) Note: That involves passing a cinema, three escalators and a LOT of restaurants.
My GOD.
Those two didn't want to be associated with me. It was a lonely walk. Heads turning. Boyfriends covering girlfriends' eyes. Whistling and cat calls. TGIF waiters and waitresses in shocked and rushing in to find out what's the commotion about. "A topless man just walked in!"
But I triumphed in the end. And received an ovation.
My reward was...
Yum.
Double Yum.
and of course...
together with....
HYPER JACK! The rodent that never stops moving. I mean, for real. From the time they bought him for me. (He was named after Jack Bauer, who can't stop moving in the major drama series called 24)
The day ended with in jon's place where we celebrated a keane-less Manutd win over charlton.
Life is bliss.
Thanks guys.
G
Posted at 06:51 pm by jyg2
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Friday, November 18, 2005
My son's name is Murni's Chew
AUSSIE
RULES!!!
Now that I've got it out of my system...
It's a long time since I laughed 'til my sides ached, so kudos to this site. It's a collection of postings across baby bulletin sites about suggestions on really weird baby names, and some crackers have brilliantly taken it and given their hilarious comments. Example:
Q: My boyfriend and i love the name Jayln (Jay-Lynn) but we don't know how to spell it. There are a few ways we like but we don't know which we like more:
JaeLynne (or JayLinne)
Jalyn
Jayln
Jaylyn
Jalynne
A: How 'bout Ghei-llenn? Juay-limn? Q-bert?
Q: How about Adrienne Claiere? Or Fleur Jade?
A: Isn't Fleur Jade that dim sum place down the street?
Q: I also heard the name Toka for a girl,What do you think of that name?
A: Hey, Toka! Wanna go for a smoke-a? How about some cocoa? She really likes mocha! Let's buy an artichoka! She lives la vida loca!
And my favourite:
Q: I love the Lord, am a LDS woman, and would like to name my baby baby Jesus.
A: Wait, she wants to call him "Baby Jesus"? How will that work after he's 33?
Q: (con't) My husband says this is ridiculous because we are not latino and he does not even go to church anymore. I looked and it is a popular name in the US so it must be that others like me are out there spreading His love. His full name would be "Jesus Joseph Dewey". Can any one tell me if when you are at the hospital can you refuse to let your husband have a say in what the birth certificate says? I 18 years old and am a first time mom.
A: Issue 1: Jesus! (Praise the Lord!) Joseph! (Hallelujah!) Dewey. (.....um.....He's a duck, right?)
Issue 2: Have you ever heard anything so romantic, and yet so filled with Our Heavenly Father's purest love alighting from heaven to his children upon the earth as an 18 year old Mormon girl wanting to have her husband barred from the hospital where she's just given birth so she can name their child Jesus. Joseph. Dewey. Amen.
Y, just don't name your child Mango Lo Ngian.
Me and Wan Yen also attended our first cells since ours got disbanded (thanks to a serious lack of attendance, no thanks to the always-absent me and Wan Yen). So that means we are officially cell nomads. Honestly, I was looking forward to using my Wednesdays to a) catch up on movies at Tanjong Golden Village, b) plan hot dates and hope they don't cancel at the last minute, as they are prone to do, or c) watch beautiful TV series like nip/tuck on the tube.
But Wan Yen thinks we need to be connected to the church. Whatever. As long as there is free food.
I didn't regret going on Wednesday though, if only it reminded me what I just cannot come to grips with during cell: how many people give such ideal answers for really tough questions. Case in point - everyone is discussing the verse "love covers a multitude of sins". So everyone starts to say how it means overlooking your partner's little faults, such as refusing to lift the toilet seat during pee-ing, or not asking for directions, or refusing to put the toothpaste cover back on.
Wanyen: But the Bible says love covers a multitude of sins. Aren't what you guys describing just short-comings? What about things like affairs?
(silent pause) Cell member: Uh, just forgive la. That's what it means...
(one or two passing commments) Cell facilitator: OK, let's move on to the next question...
It grates me when the Bible is treated like some school textbook, and life like a list of comprehension questions. "I can't answer Question 46 on my Life Journey! Oh, don't worry, just turn to (insert book name, chapter, verse) and your answer is right there". Really? Gee, why do I keep thinking life is so tough anyways, when I can ingest my Bible like a Panadol for all life's little headaches? Is it so hard to admit as a Christian that life is truly a beautiful mess to unravel, and that on the surface, the Bible actually brings up more questions than concrete answers?
Given all that, I'm not putting them down. It's just this is the trend I see in almost every cell I've gone too (All, in my biased opinion, except my old one...which is defunct now). So being the cell nomads we are, we have secretly decided to visit different cells, just to observe. Hopefully, all the bits of cynicism and pride in me will melt at the face of a group of honest people gathering to learn what it means to follow Christ. Hopefully. *Fingers crossed*.
AUSSIE RULES!!
j
Posted at 03:34 pm by jyg2
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"Courage is fear that has said its prayers."
-- Karl Barth --
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