The greatest mistake in life would not be to choose wrongly. But to not choose at all.

For most of my life, there was a great divide between the thoughts in my mind and the issues in my heart. The straight path for my life promised by the wisdom of the once great Solomon was wrecked by the pull and shove of crowd approval and vain ambitions. Pour in a gallon of fear with a touch of doubt and all you get is a whirlpool of confusion.

It seems all the time that I wanted to do everything yet in the end accomplished nothing. The prospect of following father's footsteps promises a comfortable life, only to be thwarted by my obvious distaste for engineering hydraulics and vector calculations. My grand ideas of being a world-class musician is fading away ever so quickly in proportion to my waning gifts and talents. From celebrity chef to basketball player to doctor, my becoming has never come close to what I'm wanting.

But today I made a choice. I wear the badge of a fitness instructor. Yes, you are not the only one who looks perplexed at the sound of the news. It's certainly not what you would call a "normal" job. My working shifts would tell you that. Like my boss mentioned to me today, unlike most companies, we are not in the business of getting to you a product. We are selling the dream of a better body, a healthier lifestyle. We are selling a thing called Hope.

And frankly friends ironically, Hope is what I need right now. In fact as I take on this course of my journey, it's the only thing I can hold on too with both hands. No safety harness, no parachute. The road less travelled is not glamourous journey. You think it's gonna be incredibly exciting considering that you kinda like what you do and that you chose it out of your gut instinct. But like J said to me, a job is still a job. There are periods especially in the beginning (and I found that out today) where it can be extremely mundane and less than fulfilling.

While J is leaving his job with worthwhile memories and experiences that are rich, I go in with an emptiness surrounded by doubts, fear and confusion. While Y is going from strength to strength in terms of perks he is receiving and an ever stable income together with job satisfaction, I plunge into the dark waters earning an amount that can barely keep me afloat.

Do I sound like I regretting it already? No, today is truly a new day. I used to be fazed by my indecision and am always tempted to put the blame on others for it. No longer. Today, I made a choice. With the weight of my doubts, I am climbing the mountain heights with a rope called Faith. To the peak where my Hope lies.

Hope for what, you may ask? For the moment it seems less clear. Perhaps it's a hope that I can finally prove to my dad that I can step on my own two feet and take responsibility for my life. Perhaps it's a hope that one day I would inspire others to follow this road. Perhaps it's because I wanted to see what's really at the end of this path with a narrow gate.

First day of work. The beginning of this crazy pilgrim's progress. Even I think sometimes that it's stupid. I don't know how long I would last. But there are signs that it could be worthwhile. Like how I learn to slow down my speech through "conversations" with a deaf and mute receptionist named Jimmy. The simplicity of silence. Like how I discuss with Melissa (boss' daughter) about tensions experienced in our generation. We want more than just survival. Like how I observe my boss treat his customers with meticulous care and respect. He's a fine example of how to be truly human in his vocation. Like how my senior colleague encouraged me by saying,"It's okay, it tends to get boring at first. But it gets better." He's Albanian by the way. Like how I asked another colleague why he did this after he studied engineering. To which he coolly replied, "Don't know. It just happens." Like how J says he can so imagine me riding and teaching a precision cycling aerobics class. He emphasized that I have the voice to inspire.

At the end of the day, it's all about a gut feeling. A sense that perhaps God is in all this. A moment of blink whereby for the first time I feel I must respond. And sitting there in the reception this morning with absolutely nothing to do, I intently watched a Channel V special on the life of U2. There was Bono, the modern day prophet on screen speaking with his fearless eyes penetrating through his shades kinda saying, "Listen boy, you're right."

I'm fucking crazy.


G

Jon might still be sleeping, Greg's probably doing his Oct 1st now..

I'm here in Penang on the 34th floor of what seems to be the biggest condo i've seen in my life. It's a 4 thousand sq feet condo (which is the size of my house including the land around it) for crying out loud. Apart from enjoying the great coast and penang bridge view together with the amazing cool breeze, i'm here for a mission. I'm here to see Soph's grandparents so that i don't need to come back for Chinese New Year! Smart heh? But that's not my Oct 1st.

I must say, this year has been pretty exciting, and interesting. Greg graduated, i got married, Marcus and Ky-Vern proposed, Soph started work, we went to New York and the Bahamas, someone else is going to propose soon, Greg's graduation bbq party, Jon moved to Klang and so much more to come.

This past month has been a crucial month for myself, Jon and Greg. Coincidentally, all 3 of us were making major decisions that would probably carve a different life path forever. In my case, I was ready to move on. Unlike Jon who has a more concrete plan to be a television host and freelance writer, i was so ready to be a bum. A bum who is looking for a job of course.

Now one might ask why would Yuchun leave his job? He gets free mobile phones to use every month, he gets lots of lots of premiums, invitations to the top parties in town, free Dockers apparels, wakes up at 9 am daily, and is going for a shoot in San Francisco for 1 week, and is probably stopping by in Hong Kong for a couple of days all under the company's expense.. and he was ready to let all these go?

I guess I just wanted to move on. I wanted to see what happens if i quit. I wanted to be adventurous and see what lies ahead. I wanted a challenge. Among the list of things i had in mind were:

1. Look for a senior position job elsewhere.
2. Road trip to London.
3. Go to Florida to check out a job prospect.
4. Learn Mandarin in China.
5. Joint venture with a friend's business.
6. Go to Lake Tahoe.
7. Play more basketball.
8. Start a band with Greg.

Well, I was supposed to decide by the end of September but have decided to stick on for a little while. Why? Let's just say the company offered me a package deal that i should not refuse, and surprisingly the job satisfaction over the last month was over the top. As a car enthusiast, winning the recent Honda account was certainly enjoyable and rewarding. And i'm definitely not ready to leave my community. Not just yet.

So i guess this is it for my Oct 1st. But ask anyone of us, this year has been exciting, with ups and downs, and we can't wait to see what happens next year as a new future unravel before us.

y.

It's 12.41am, and I'm still in the office. The budget was tabled today, which meant more work for us. There's only two other colleagues in the office with me now. On normal days, I would be tired, frustrated, itching to go home. But today is no normal day.

Today is my last day in The Star as a news journalist.

Yes, I resigned. Packed in the bags, threw in the towel. I hate using those words, but I guess that's what it is.

Most people said putting in the letter would be a liberating experience. Like Mel Gibson screamed, "Freeeeddooomm!!". Some likened it to the last day of exams in school, like the day a prisoner is finally allowed to clean out his cell and walk out into the world outside.  It would be alright. Just be impersonal and cold about it, and you'll be alright.

Riiiight. Of all the emotions I had when I handed in my letter to my Klang boss, I never counted on this: sorrow. I gave it in, barely said a word, walked out of the office, into my car parked outside, and did something I rarely ever do: I cried. Hard. For around 20 minutes.

Why? Because I know, when I look back at my Star journey 20 years from now, I will look back at a chunk-ful of memories that I will cherish.  Moments that are all at once so beautiful, so hilarious, so momentous, that I will be proud to tell my grandchildren about them over and over again. Moments such as:

seeing Jaclyn Victor become the first Malaysian Idol at the Arena of Stars, and then getting to attend the press conference later..with G and Y posing as reporters.

being in PWTC when Barisan Nasional won the elections, and watching our Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi pray to Allah with such fervency, I almost wanted to become a Muslim there and then.

walking around Port Klang interviewing people when the haze situation had registered a 'hazardous' level..in Port Klang.

running around frantically chasing politicians to get a one-sentence comment after the MCA elections.

talking with 4-year-old golfers, 12-year-old piano prodigies, 17-year-old girls who seduced friends to kill their stepfather, 25-year-old internationally-renowned violinists, 50-year-old blind motivational speakers, 70-year-old handphone users.

laughing 'til my side ached when minister Lim Keng Yaik said the word 'sai' at least 4 times in a conference..with the British Water Minister in attendance.

blushing red with anger when minister Lim Keng Yaik chides me in the pc after because I asked a 'stupid' question.

smiling in vindication when minister Samy Vellu brushes me aside for asking if our highways are structurally safe..and then seeing a highway collapse six months later.

coming face-to-face with rapists, murderers, molesters, snatch-thieves, corrupt cops, bribers and cheats during my two month duty in courts.

cancelling my dinner appointment with so-and-so because I just HAD to finish my story by 9pm, no questions asked..and looking beside me at two other colleagues who did the same.

working on New Years Eve, Chinese New Year, Labour Day, Easter, the Sultan's birthday and any other public holiday.

attending national Deepavali, Gawai-Dayaks, Hari Raya, CNY and Christmas open houses.

asking a father who had just lost his wife to leaukemia the most inane but necessary question in the world: "How do you feel?"

calling an IRB director at his home on a Sunday by looking his number up on the Yellow Pages.

lying my way to get an association to tell me they did not agree with a health law.

walking around Mid Valley trying to talk to people about Negaraku, and almost getting thrown out by the security guards.

receiving free cups, pens, bookmarks, journals, Pewter ornaments, caps, T-shirts, dairy products and pharmacy vouchers during assignments.

But most of all,

talking about breasts with Parveen, wrestling with Eng Hock, God with Cheng Yee, old school mates with Royce, work with Olivia, passion with Ewe Jin, female smokers with Joel and my dirty habit of flicking my hair behind my ear with Meng Yee.

I read that again and again, and 'sad' would be an understatement.  I'm scared too - I mean, leave my 4 month bonuses and huge transport allowances and great overtime pay?

Which then, as I read all those moments again, I have to ask: why quit?

The official reason is because I don't see myself as a journalist down the road.  I look at the commitment and, for lack of a better word, love some seniors have for their jobs (for some, a little too much commitment), and I want that. I want to wake up every morning rushing to see my byline, gnashing my teeth when NST gets a better story, dying to get the next big story that changes the nation and the nations beyond. But I don't. At least, not enough to last me 'til the end.

But as much as I am terrified by the future, I am also excited. There is adventure in the air, and I can smell it. It is the road less travelled, and as G would tell you, there is no glory in taking it, only the spilling of your guts. I long to explore, to find out what doors can open, what faith can lead me to.  It's as if Someone has nudged me over the edge of a cliff, and whispers to me, "Enjoy the ride. You only live once. Might as well live it with courage to follow your heart."

Already, I am seeing incredible gifts suddenly discovered on my porch. Astro has offered me a part-time TV host job, while there are freelance writing opportunities that are slowly coming. Yet, nothing is really confirmed. Only time will tell if I end up a full-time employee somewhere or a gainfully unemployed bum.

I am so scared, guys. My heart is pounding.

Yet, I am so excited. My heart is pounding.

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs.  Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” - Gil Bailie

A paradox hoping to discover a Life worth living,

j

ps. G and Y, your turn. :)